Empathy
My last post dealt with the fundamentals of trust. In personal interactions an often misunderstood concept is empathy.
Empathy is valued currency. It allows us to create bonds of trust, it gives us insights into what others may be feeling or thinking; it helps us understand how or why others are reacting to situations, it sharpens our “people acumen” and informs our decisions. Empathy is also particularly critical to establishing the foundations for long term client relationships.
A formal definition of Empathy is the ability to identify and understand another’s situation, feelings and motives. It’s our capacity to recognize the concerns other people have. Empathy means: “putting yourself in the other person’s shoes” or “seeing things through someone else’s eyes”.
We all know some people who are naturally and consistently empathetic – these are the people who can easily forge positive connections with others. We may even desire to be more like that ourselves. They are people who use empathy to engender trust and build bonds; they are catalysts who are able to create positive communities for the greater good. But even if empathy does not come naturally to some of us, I firmly believe that we can develop this capacity.
Here are a few practical tips you might consider to help you do this:
1. Listen – truly listen to people. Listen with your ears, eyes and heart. Pay attention to others’ body language, to their tone of voice, to the hidden emotions behind what they are saying to you, and to the context.
2. Don’t interrupt people. Don’t dismiss their concerns offhand. Don’t rush to give advice. Don’t change the subject. Allow people their moment.
3. Tune in to non-verbal communication. This is the way that people often communicate what they think or feel, even when their verbal communication says something quite different.
4. Practice. Studies have shown words – the things we say – account for a small fraction of the total message that people receive. The remaining portion of the message that we communicate when we speak is contained in our tone of voice and body language. It’s important, then, to spend some time to understand how we come across when we communicate with others. A simple thing like frowning or a raised eyebrow when someone is explaining their point of view can disconnect us from the speaker and make us appear as though we lack understanding. This is an important example. Advisors will often use the furrowed brow to attempt to be empathetic when in fact it has the opposite effect.
5. Use people’s name. Also remember the names of people’s spouse and children so that you can refer to them by name.
6. Be fully present when you are with people. Don’t let your eyes wander, do not be distracted by things going on around you or do not look at your watch when you are with a client. Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if your boss did that to you.
7. Smile at people.
8. Encourage people, particularly the quiet ones, when they speak up in meetings. A simple thing like an attentive nod can boost people’s confidence.
9. Give genuine recognition. Clients are people to, pay attention to what they are doing and catch them doing the right things. When you give praise, spend a little effort to make your genuine words memorable: “The present market environment is getting lots of attention in the media, you are clearly trying to avoid that and stick to your discipline”, “Congratulations of achieving that goal. You have been working hard towards that. Well done.” “Thank you for your continued trust and confidence. I appreciate it.”
10. Take a personal interest in people. Show people that you care, and genuine curiosity about their lives. Ask questions about their hobbies, their challenges, their families, their aspirations. FORM is the best way to connect and relate to people.
Trust as a Source of Competitive Advantage
Trust-based working relationships are an important source of your sustainable competitive advantage because trust is valuable, rare, imperfectly imitable and nonsubstitutable. The level of trust an advisor is able to garner from his/her clients is contingent upon the clients’ perceptions of the advisors ability, benevolence and integrity. It would seem then that trust can be linked directly to sales, profits, and referrability.
This concludes my pondering on trust. Take this all to heart and be brutally honest with yourself. Do I build lasting and enduring relationships based on trust? If the answer is a genuine NO, take some action. Read some books, practice or if you want proven results give us a call and see if we may be able to help.