My last post dealt with the fundamentals of trust. In personal interactions an often misunderstood concept is empathy.

Empathy is valued currency. It allows us to create bonds of trust, it gives us insights into what others may be feeling or thinking; it helps us understand how or why others are reacting to situations, it sharpens our “people acumen” and informs our decisions. Empathy is also particularly critical to establishing the foundations for long term client relationships.

A formal definition of Empathy is the ability to identify and understand another’s situation, feelings and motives. It’s our capacity to recognize the concerns other people have. Empathy means: “putting yourself in the other person’s shoes” or “seeing things through someone else’s eyes”.

We all know some people who are naturally and consistently empathetic – these are the people who can easily forge positive connections with others. We may even desire to be more like that ourselves. They are people who use empathy to engender trust and build bonds; they are catalysts who are able to create positive communities for the greater good. But even if empathy does not come naturally to some of us, I firmly believe that we can develop this capacity.

Here are a few practical tips you might consider to help you do this:
1. Listen – truly listen to people. Listen with your ears, eyes and heart. Pay attention to others’ body language, to their tone of voice, to the hidden emotions behind what they are saying to you, and to the context.
2. Don’t interrupt people. Don’t dismiss their concerns offhand. Don’t rush to give advice. Don’t change the subject. Allow people their moment.
3. Tune in to non-verbal communication. This is the way that people often communicate what they think or feel, even when their verbal communication says something quite different.
4. Practice. Studies have shown words – the things we say – account for a small fraction of the total message that people receive. The remaining portion of the message that we communicate when we speak is contained in our tone of voice and body language. It’s important, then, to spend some time to understand how we come across when we communicate with others. A simple thing like frowning or a raised eyebrow when someone is explaining their point of view can disconnect us from the speaker and make us appear as though we lack understanding. This is an important example. Advisors will often use the furrowed brow to attempt to be empathetic when in fact it has the opposite effect.
5. Use people’s name. Also remember the names of people’s spouse and children so that you can refer to them by name.
6. Be fully present when you are with people. Don’t let your eyes wander, do not be distracted by things going on around you or do not look at your watch when you are with a client. Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if your boss did that to you.
7. Smile at people.
8. Encourage people, particularly the quiet ones, when they speak up in meetings. A simple thing like an attentive nod can boost people’s confidence.
9. Give genuine recognition. Clients are people to, pay attention to what they are doing and catch them doing the right things. When you give praise, spend a little effort to make your genuine words memorable: “The present market environment is getting lots of attention in the media, you are clearly trying to avoid that and stick to your discipline”, “Congratulations of achieving that goal. You have been working hard towards that. Well done.” “Thank you for your continued trust and confidence. I appreciate it.”
10. Take a personal interest in people. Show people that you care, and genuine curiosity about their lives. Ask questions about their hobbies, their challenges, their families, their aspirations. FORM is the best way to connect and relate to people.

Trust as a Source of Competitive Advantage

Trust-based working relationships are an important source of your sustainable competitive advantage because trust is valuable, rare, imperfectly imitable and nonsubstitutable. The level of trust an advisor is able to garner from his/her clients is contingent upon the clients’ perceptions of the advisors ability, benevolence and integrity. It would seem then that trust can be linked directly to sales, profits, and referrability.

This concludes my pondering on trust. Take this all to heart and be brutally honest with yourself. Do I build lasting and enduring relationships based on trust? If the answer is a genuine NO, take some action. Read some books, practice or if you want proven results give us a call and see if we may be able to help.

Posted by Tom Frisby, Business Coach, BC

Trust Defined

Mutual trust is a shared belief that you can depend on each other to achieve a common purpose.
More comprehensively trust defined as the willingness of a client to be vulnerable to the actions of the advisor based on the expectation that the advisor will perform an action important to the client, regardless of the advisors ability to monitor, control or influence the client.

People sense how you feel about them. If you want to change their attitudes toward you, change the negative attitudes you have toward them. Building relationships requires the building of trust. Trust is the expectancy of people that they can rely on your word. It is built through integrity and consistency in relationships.

Effective listening is one of the most important aspects of building trust. Effective listening is hard work and to do it well you must focus energy and attention to the task at hand.

Effective Listening Part 1: The Bottom Line of Trust

If you listen well people will trust you. You cannot establish trust if you cannot listen. A conversation is a relationship. Both speaker and listener play a part, each influencing the other. Instead of being a passive recipient, the listener has as much to do in shaping the conversation as the speaker.

Effective Listening Part 2: Understand and Fulfill Needs of Others

One of the golden rules of being an empowered and trusted financial advisor is that every client needs one person with whom they can openly and unashamedly discuss every little detail – happenings, desires, fears – of their financial life, whether it is from the past, present, or future. There are other psychological needs – to be accepted unconditionally, appreciated, recognized, respected, desired, valued, approved of, or complimented – that affect the way we communicate with each other. Listen carefully, ask questions to show that you are genuinely interested and you’ll be amazed at the spin-offs from becoming a good question asker and a good listener. People appreciate, respect and value others who are great listeners.

Effective Listening Part 3: Engage All of Your Senses

Most people simply listen to the words that are being said to them, but words contain only a small portion of the message. The remaining meaning of the message is hidden in the body language and the tone of voice. Understanding body language can help you look beyond what people say to what they really mean.

Effective Listening Part 4: Barriers to Effective Listening

Often we have too much difficulty listening to other people because:
1. We “know” what we are going to hear;
2. We are seeking confirmation, not information;
3. What’s being said is getting in the way of what needs be said.

Effective Listening Part 5: Active Listening

Active listening involves playing back your own interpretation of what has been said in acknowledgement - ‘As I see it/hear it/sense it/understand it, what you mean is…’

Effective Listening Part 6: Asking Effective Questions

Know which questions to ask – it will help you get the right response.

Effective Listening Part 7: Pretending Ignorance:

Smart is dumb. Remember the TV show Columbo. He appeared to bumble into solving cases. In actuality, he knew what questions to ask and pretended ignorance. How can you really be ignorant if you always close your case.
Socrates used this technique more than 2300 years ago. He pretended ignorance in order to encourage others to express their views fully.

The smartest and fastest businesspeople have perfected this art – consciously or unconsciously – of playing dumb. People who try to impress by pretending to be smart generally aren’t. Truly smart people know that by playing dumb and asking the other party to repeat or explain things several times, asking lots f questions, they’ll be better prepared to respond and then make a fast decision.

Take this message to heart. A little shift in your own behavior can create a tremendous result. Master the fundamentals of listening in the trust building process and you will surprise yourself at the willingness your best clients will have in empowering you fully.

Posted by Tom Frisby, Business Coach, BC